July 11, 2010
We awoke early to go to grandfather’s grave with all my aunts and uncles and Cousin David. Since grandfather fought for the nationalist army and served in the military as a major in Taiwan, he is buried on a special mountain reserved for old soldiers. Regrettably, my memories of grandfather are sparse – growing up away in the USA means that I don’t have the same depth of relationship that my cousins in Taiwan experienced. But I do know that my grandfather is so dear to my father, having grown up with so many stories of grandfather’s love of family and education. My dad loves his dad dearly – he raised a family of five through very difficult times, trading army-rationed cigarettes for bread to raise his family, and somehow squeezing together enough resources to put all five children through college. Hence, the love I have for my grandfather stems mainly from the love I have for my own father.
Following the traditions of ancestor worship, we all bowed in front of the grave, burned heavenly money, offered fruit and food (including my grandfather’s favorite peanut candy), and said our prayers. Grandfather watches over us – the entire Meng family. If he were here today, then perhaps he and I would finally have a proper conversation.
We went back to Uncle George’s house for a simple lunch before a Meng family conference took place regarding the care of my grandmother, who is now left in a vegetative state after a devastating stroke nearly 10 years ago, occurring soon after my grandfather’s passing. My grandmother has lost most of her sentience, but her presence remains a comfort for the entire family. We had originally planned to visit my other grandmother, but Grace and I couldn’t leave the apartment. Rather, we spent the afternoon learning taekwondo moves from the husband of my eldest aunt. Since he served as part of the special unit of the military, he knows very many specialist combat moves. (He’s actually quite an intimidating guy – told us stories of how he beat up four guys who attempted to rob him!
After retiring, my uncle took to the serous study of Chinese medicine. As such, I mentioned that Grace’s wrist was once broken in elementary school, and ever sense, never returned to full functionality. He took a look at it and said that the position of the bone had not returned to normal. He swung Grace’s arms and the bone snapped, leaving Grace in pain and Uncle satisfied. I’m not sure whether he justifiably reset Grace’s wrist or made things worse – we’ll see, but in the mean time, I feel rather guilty.
For dinner, we went to an all-you-can-eat sushi restaurant, where your order dishes and then the servers make it to order. Dad wanted to treat the entire second generation of the Meng family to dinner in order to give a chat about an important message to deliver. All my cousins showed up other than Martin, who currently resides alone in Canada. Frankly, I’ve never gotten to know my cousins well, as we have spent very limited time together. I don’t understand their big-city lifestyle, and at least from superficial observation, their parents love for them have created a sense of entitlement.
Dad wanted to inspire them to action so he invited them to dinner with the intention of making a speech to inspire a personal “spark” – a motivation to act consistently with self-defined principles. In my opinion, although this sort of coffee chat can serve as an effective wake-up call, without a self-driven will to change, no one can externally foment a transformation. Dad used the book Double Take to reinforce his message, a story of the journey of a 24-year old man born without legs. Without using his physical disability as an excuse for all his troubles and a reason for evading society, Kevin decided to participate competitively in the X-games, travel around the world, and snap photos of all those who gawk at him, inherently “looking down” at him given his stature.
For me, education and entrepreneurship are two causes that I feel strongly about, and working on Givology and YouthBank gives me a sense of fulfillment and meaning in my life. Why sit around and watch television and squandering time, when we all can play our part, no matter how small, to make a difference? Even if I work 14 hour days and feel exhausted, I intend to reserve time for Givology and YouthBank because of their personal significance.
Dad spoke of the importance of having a personal spark – to help and engage the world or to pursue knowledge in search of self-enlightenment and fulfillment. As my cousins need to take final responsibility for their actions on their own accord, I doubt my father’s rousing remarks would make a permanent difference, but I’m glad that we all gathered together. There are just too many “shoulds” in Asian society – parents tell their children that they should study, pursue a stable career, and respect the principles of filial piety. My dad didn’t tell my cousins to do anything, rather he challenged them to decide for themselves about how to construct their own identity and find their own passions. Indeed, an unconventional message, particularly for this society.
Grace and I leave for Korea tomorrow, so we spent tonight packing. I’m really excited to go and see another culture, visit the popular youth districts romanticized in Korean dramas, meet Grace’s friend Susan, and…escape the suffocating heat in Taiwan.